Why can't we all just get along?

Workplaces are the setting for sitcoms and cartoons for good reason — they are networks of imperfect human relationships that provide plenty of material to comedy writers. We laugh about it, but the truth is that almost everyone at some point has said, "This would be a great job if it weren't for the people." Psychotherapist Katherine Crowley and entrepreneurial consultant Kathi Elster have written a self-help book for bosses and employees who find themselves locked in an exhausting dance with a dysfunctional colleague. They say we are not helpless, however. "Working with You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work" guides readers out of those murky office situations.

Workplaces are the setting for sitcoms and cartoons for good reason — they are networks of imperfect human relationships that provide plenty of material to comedy writers. We laugh about it, but the truth is that almost everyone at some point has said, "This would be a great job if it weren't for the people."

In "Working with You is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work," psychotherapist Katherine Crowley and entrepreneurial consultant Kathi Elster examine the types of personalities that can turn the hours of 9 to 5 into an experience as emotionally scarring as junior high.What do you think happened to the bullies, whiners, chatterboxes, tattle-tales, gossips and fair-weather friends that wandered the halls of your school?

According to Crowley and Elster, they're sitting in the next cubicle. But the stakes are higher now than they were in homeroom. Having difficult co-workers threatens not only your livelihood, but also your health. Crowley and Elster offer tips on how to cancel out the physical and emotional stress caused by troublesome co-workers, and offer strategies on how to work with and around them.

The dance of dysfunction

The egalitarian authors recognize that trouble can be found among bosses and rank-and-file employees alike. As expected, "Working with You Is Killing Me" helps cube-dwellers deal with difficult fellow employees and bosses. But bosses aren't always the bad guys. Bosses can be bullied and harassed by the people they are supposed to be managing, Crowley and Elster write. And, the book holds up a mirror to readers, challenging them to recognize the roles they play in contentious work relationships.

The authors are at their most amusing and entertaining when they are describing "Fatal Attractions." Try to accept the corny name, because Crowley and Elster are onto something here. They have pinpointed some of the more aggravating personalities you can find in an office as a boss or co-worker. The Exploder is the dynamic, exciting supervisor who is great to work with until something goes wrong — then he lashes out at anyone around him.

The Pedestal Smasher, also usually a boss, lavishes you with praise, then picks apart and criticizes everything you do. The Empty Pit is forever full of woe. Targeting co-workers and supervisors, she seems sympathetic and genuinely in need of your help — until you realize you will never be able to give enough. The Saboteur is self-explanatory. Finally there is the Chip on the Shoulder — this one can be a co-worker or a boss.

She thinks the entire world, including you, owes her something. After defining the Fatal Attractions, Crowley and Elster set about helping readers figure out what to do about them. Where are you in your relationship with these archetypes of bad office behavior? How can you extricate yourself with as little career damage as possible?

Breaking out

The book serves up two sections of somewhat useful, if self-evident, advice on how employees can manage bosses who are Fatal Attractions and how bosses can manage unruly subordinates. For employees, the authors offer basically solid advice: schedule regular meetings with your boss and come prepared, try to get in tune with your boss's priorities, anticipate problems and be ready with solutions, and always be prepared to give status reports on projects whenever you are asked. The authors also counsel readers to do the things that can make them model employees.

Like Caesar's wife, try to be above reproach should things get bad. The book then advises managers on handling difficult employees. A boss who wants to be liked and to be seen as fair is at risk of being held hostage by bad workers. Whether it appeals to you or not, the authors declare, as a boss you do have to be something of a parent to employees. As condescending as that sounds, they write, it's true. Equally valid is the authors' contention that most managers get little to no supervisory training.

Crowley and Elster try to fill the gap by pointing out that one of the biggest mistakes new managers make is expecting the same from their employees as they expect from themselves. Managers should remember that the standards they set for themselves when they weren't bosses are what set them apart from their fellow workers in the first place.

Crowley and Elster propose the "Four Key Principles of Business Parenting" to control situations in the workplace that could spin out of control: Employees need to know exactly what is expected of them; they should get constant feedback; managers should expect employees to test the boundaries; and business tools such as evaluation forms should be used. Tip for managers and employees alike: document, document, document.

Follow up meetings with e-mails and keep logs of bad behavior. "Working with You Is Killing Me" is hampered by feel-good, self-help jargon. Nevertheless, Crowley and Elster's advice is practical. For example, they concede that when dealing with a toxic supervisor, sometimes, no matter how hard you try, leaving a job is the only way to protect your mental and physical health. In those situations, they offer advice on how to hang on while you look for a new job.

The authors also reveal their naivety concerning life in a corporate environment. In a perfect world, documenting bad behavior, handing out warnings and giving poor performance reviews would be enough to get rid of bad employees. But in a risk-averse corporate world where lawyers are on alert to possible lawsuits, bad employees are sometimes kept around to the point that good employees throw in the towel and leave.

Another reality the authors don't address is the possibility that you are the bad employee. Even when helping readers identify what role they play in bad work relationships, the authors cast the readers as harmless, if enabling, partners to the destructive employee who is leading the dance. It takes self-knowledge and honesty to say, "That Chip-on-the-Shoulder guy? That's me."